A Modest Proposal

Given the on-going worship dialogues, I have a modest proposal to keep us old fogies from losing it entirely and attacking the platform with our canes and walkers . . .

The proposal has three parts . . . depending on the churchb size and situation.

For the larger church that has moved into a gymnasium-type setting with moveable seats and cheap projection screens:
After the greetings and offering, dismiss everyone with wrinkles or liver spots to "senior church" in the old auditorium, which probably still has a piano or organ in it which some old fogie can play. Have them take their hymnals with them. They can leave at the same time as the children to "junior church".

For the smaller church the pastor can ask the "senior citizens" to come forward and sit (sit) in the front pews for "pastor's time with the senior citizens". He can turn around and put on a clip-on tie and then have a senior sermon, maybe explaining what all the wires and microphones do and how they can adjust their hearing aids at different parts of the service. He can assure them that the people who stand behind those mikes and slap their thighs and wiggle are NOT Gladys Knight and the Pips, what are they thinking?

For the fortunate church that has "senior talent" a back-up group can be recruited, or a warm-up group or whatever you call it-- of seniors all dressed alike with creases in their pants and oil in what hair they have left-- like the Mille Brothers or the Four Freshmen . . . or even likeGomer Pyle and Goober. That way the older people can get back at the young ones and make them pretend they like it.

I would draw the line at body surfing.